Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
