Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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