One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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