Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
