I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
