tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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