I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
