i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
