You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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