I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
