If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
how do you play pong handcuffed?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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