We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
