Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
