I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
my sisters under your porch take her home
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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