I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
