i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
