I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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