Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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