I have demons in me.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
