Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
