i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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