Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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