I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
