So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
