Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
