Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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