he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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