they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
