I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
