i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
