Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
