so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
