your thong is hanging out like whoa
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Randomize
