I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
