You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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