Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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