I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
