I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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