she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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