So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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