I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I love you. Go after that dick
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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