he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Randomize
