BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
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