If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
