wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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