He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
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