My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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