I want to walk on stilts...naked
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I wish there were birth control emojis
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
