Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
