I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
