Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
