I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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