I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
