Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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